How Familiarity Makes Us Forget

I was halfway through lunch when I noticed her tears.

Michelle sat quietly across from me, reading from her open Bible. Our house was quiet. The girl was at school, and the boy was playing. We had not spoken most of the morning as I worked. I came into the kitchen rambling as I threw together a salad from some leftovers in the fridge. I sat down and noticed Michelle was somewhere else. With my fork in hand, I saw her focused on the text, drawn into something deeper.

We had been talking about Holy Week.

I don’t remember exactly what I said before she paused, but I remember what she said next. She looked up, almost caught between awe and disbelief, and said, “He’s about to be betrayed, and He’s just telling them how much He loves them.”

I’ve read the passage countless times. I’ve preached it. I’ve taught it. I’ve revisited it multiple times each year. Michelle had too, and still in that moment, I was watching her see it again - really see it.

It’s a strange thing, how quickly what once moved us becomes something we ignore. I wish it wasn’t true, but it seems familiarity has a way of dulling wonder.

The resurrection story.

The cross.

The table.

The people sitting next to us every Sunday.

It’s not that we reject them or deny them. We just grow used to them. In our familiarity, we become strangers.

The issue isn’t always memory. Today, I watched Michelle rediscover something she already remembered. The story hadn’t changed, but her affection, her awareness, all came to life again because she took time to be with the familiar.

How often have I been near to something holy without seeing it?

How often have we all sat across from people we love, our spouses, friends, church family, and failed to notice the depth of grace right in front of us? I know a marriage can grow quiet from neglect. I know a friendship can thin out from inattention. I know our walk with God can become routine. And I remind myself that when it happens, it’s rarely because of withdrawal, it’s because we stop looking with fresh eyes.

One of the first places this starts is at church. Some make being a part of the called-out gathering of the saints optional. Some allow their participation to become routine. Every Sunday, you have the opportunity to see the Living God at work. In fact, the Apostle John says we get a chance to see the invisible God!

While “No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and His love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us His Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent His Son to be the Savior of the world” (1 John 4:12-14, ESV).

The invisible God becomes visible through His church. Through people called out of the world, with diverse backgrounds, who share life together. Though imperfect, in their gathering and love for one another, they point beyond themselves.

So here’s the challenge: what we do with one another matters more than we think. Whether or not we decide to participate in the life of a local church matters. The conversations we’re a part of before the service matter. The attentiveness or distractions we bring to corporate worship matter.

All of it either puts flesh on the message of Christ or it obscures it.

The sermon preached on Sunday morning will not stand alone. It’s either strengthened by the quiet hum of love in the room, or it will be quietly undermined by indifference to it.

This coming Sunday, there will probably be visitors at your church. They’ve probably “heard the story” before. So remember, people don’t just hear the gospel; they look for it. They look at how we greet one another. They look at how we listen. They look for whether we notice who’s missing. They look at whether our familiarity has made us forget what’s right in front of us.

Take some time before church to sit down and have a meal with your family or friends. Slow down enough to be reminded that the story of the incarnation and resurrection is still astonishing. Be reminded that the people around you are gifts.

Open the Scriptures (not out of routine) as a place to hear from God. Step into the church this Sunday (not out of obligation) as a place to be a living display of God’s presence.

Sometimes, the difference between being close to something and being changed by it is simply a matter of paying attention.